


I Hate You So Much Right Now

by catboiyananie



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Kang Hyunggu | Kino, Break Up, Ex Sex, Exes, Hyunggu is a dance major, It’s a lot but please bear with me, Kino gets attached too easily, Kino likes wearing skirts sometimes, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sub Kino, Tags Are Hard, Top Yeo One, changgu is a cocky little shit, changgu is a musical theatre major, changgu knows him better than he thinks, dom yeo one, fuckboy!yeo one, he dresses however he feels which we stan, hongseok and Shinwon are Changgus best friends, jinho and hui are known to all of them, lowkey hate sex, wooseok and yuto are kinos best friends, yuto and yanan are long distance boyfriends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:14:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboiyananie/pseuds/catboiyananie
Summary: Changgu was an asshole, everyone knew that, Hyunggu knew that, so why did he ever start dating the guy? He gets attached too easily, that’s why.Or the one where Changgu is the university fuckboy who cheats on his, now, ex-boyfriend Hyunggu, but still somehow keeps him wrapped in a chokehold; one that Hyunggu so desperately craves.
Relationships: Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. I drew a dick on all of your sweatshirts

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 song;  
> Deal With It - Ashnikko
> 
> Side note yes there will be more aha this concept is not over

“How fucking _dare you!_ ” 

It wasn’t hard to tell that Hyunggu was angry (well maybe enraged is a better word) at the current moment. He had just caught his boyfriend of 6 months hooking up with a couple of the girls who were in his theatre studies class. Maybe he should have known better, maybe he should’ve expected to get hurt by Changgu, he was the campus heartthrob and fuckboy after all. But warm smiles and inviting arms coaxed him in, along with some _other_ qualities. “Is it so hard to actually treat me like we’re together and not go around fucking the first person you see?”

“Calm down babe—“

“Don’t you ‘babe’ me! You promised me you would change your ways, you promised me ‘no more sleeping around, I’ve got you now’. What bullshit!” Hyunggu could feel his anger swirling his chest, constricting his lungs and making tears come to his eyes. Was he making a scene? Yes. Did he care though? Not in the slightest, he wanted everyone to know just how much of a piece of shit Changgu was, stringing him along like that. And while Hyunggu looked like he was on the brink of insanity, Changgu looked like the Roman statue he always had been. Calm, cool, collected, a sly grin on his lips barely hiding a soft laugh. It just made Hyunggu’s anger bubble more, how could he laugh at this?

“You’re hot when you’re angry~”

“Fuck you!” Hyunggu had to hold back from decking him right then and there, balling his hands into fists so tightly his nails were surely making indents in his palms. “Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t even fucking say hi! We’re over and I want nothing to do with you ever again!”

Hyunggu was about to storm off when he heard the older man let out a laugh. “You say that now sweetheart, but I know you better than you think~”

Hyunggu didn’t even get to have the satisfaction of being the first to walk away as Changgu’s words froze him on the spot. After Changgu was gone he let out a frustrated scream and stormed off in the opposite direction towards his own dorm room. Anyone else could see he was on the warpath, fueled by anger and heartbreak. He pulled out the keycard for his room, tears streaming down his face faster than a waterfall. He barely unlocked the door and stepped inside before he fully broke down, sliding down the now closed door and bawling into his knees. He was such an asshole, Hyunggu shouldn’t have been wasting his tears like this, but he couldn’t help it. It had been 6 months, he’d gotten attached, but he should’ve known better.

He babbled curses little by little and once again balled his hand into a fist. Soon his babbling became more obvious with the constant repeating of ‘fuck you’ as he was hit with a surge of rage once again. He pulled himself up from the floor and stamped over to his closet, pulling open the doors and yanking out every shirt, hoodie and sweater Changgu ever let him have, throwing them onto the floor. After all of them were in a pile he turned to his desk, searching through his pens until he found a permanent marker. He held the pen in his mouth and dropped to sit in front of the pile of clothes spreading the first piece of clothing out. He opened the cap of the pen and let his heartbroken head go, scribbling wildly over it, drawing dicks, scribbling the words ‘fuck you’, ‘asshole’, and ‘cheater’ constantly. He kept moving through the pile but just as he was about to put the pen down he hovered.

His body was shaky with adrenaline and vision blurry with residual tears. The hoodie under his hand, prepped to be desecrated, had been his favourite. Lilac purple with a drawing of a daisy on the front. He gripped the pen so hard it almost could’ve broken before he threw it to the ground. 

He just couldn’t do it to this one.

He scrunched the fabric in his hand and curled down towards it, sobbing into the thick purple fabric. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Stupid Changgu, stupid feelings, stupid purple hoodie, stupid attachments, stupid love—

_Stupid Hyunggu._

He harshly tossed the hoodie away, off somewhere in his room, and went back to attacking his past clothes and defacing them, further fueling his rage at the fuckboy of K’Arts. He must have spent twenty minutes at this, almost destroying his pen in the process. He scooped up all of the clothes, putting them in his laundry basket. He pulled down his cardigan sleeve and dried under his eyes. He got a quick look at himself in his mirror and realised just how much of a _mess_ he looked. He pulled the already askew beret from his head and took off his fake glasses. As cute as he had looked earlier, he didn’t need to look cute now. He put the accessories down on his desk and picked up the basket, knowing exactly where he was headed.

It was like on instinct that he knew the path to get to Changgu’s room, and he hated that now. He refused to answer anyone who tried to say hello, paid no attention to the people who were whispering amongst themselves. His knock was harsh but quick. When the door opened, Changgu appeared in all his bastard glory. Initially he had been surprised but soon he smugly leaned against the door frame. They were caught in a stare down for only a moment before Hyunggu was the first to speak. “I thought you’d want these back, it’s not like I have a use for them anymore,” he tipped up the basket in front of the door, letting the pile clump between them. “I decorated them, hope you _like it,_ ” he seethed. His stare lingered for only a moment more before he turned to walk back to his own room.

He didn’t even turn back when he heard a small laugh from the theatre major, he didn’t care anymore, he didn’t need to know. Getting back to his room, he immediately got changed into his dance gear, heading for one of the studios to let off some steam in the best way he knew. The room was cold but soon it would heat up, it always did. He pulled off his coat after turning on the light, moving to close the blinds and lock the door to say the studio was occupied. Being able to just dance his heart away always made him feel better, why wouldn’t it do that now? It was almost 7pm before he had finally felt like he let his anger leave his body but now he just felt… _empty_. He wasn’t used to feeling like this, it felt wrong, but he had to let go somehow.

After a quick shower he made his way to the cafeteria, taking a plate of what was left from dinner an hour earlier and taking a seat at the back, to hopefully just have his meal in peace. That was until his best friends came racing up to the table. The two music majors, Wooseok and Yuto, sat and wouldn’t stop asking him if he was okay, and what happened. He almost didn’t want to answer them, fiddling with his fork and trying to keep from his chest tightening again. He’d already cried so much today he didn’t need to start up again. But fuck him for being so sensitive because it happened anyway. He pushed his plate away and leaned on his crossed arms on the table.

His body jolted with each sob, why the fuck did it have to hurt so god damn much? Why did he have to get so attached to people? Why couldn’t he just get over it, Changgu wasn’t worth it, he never was. Wooseok immediately pulled him closer into a hug, Yuto rubbing circles on his thigh comfortingly. It was nice to have friends like them, the kind who were so understanding, so good at making him feel better even in the shittiest situations. “It hurts so much guys…” his voice was so soft and coarse, shaky and small, exactly how he felt.

“We know, we know,” wooseok was quick to hush him, pet his head and let him cry into his jacket. “What if we go out tomorrow, just the three of us, and have fun, let you let go for a night?” Hyunggu sniffled before letting out another choked sob.

“I’d like that…”

Yuto had a soft expression on his face and he scooted closer to get in on the hug. “I’ll let yananie know, I’m sure he’ll understand that this is more important right now…” Hyunggu nodded softly and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling his chest tighten yet again.

Fuck you Changgu, piece of shit.

* * *

The next day couldn’t have come any quicker. He barely got any sleep in his own room, at around 2am tiredly moving to Wooseok’s room just for any semblance of comfort so he could _actually_ sleep. The three of them had classes that day, at least it was good to not have to see Changgu at all. In the hours he wasn’t at class he was in his room, finishing work or drawing a little. Each time he felt a pang of sadness in his heart he pushed it away and changed what he was doing, trying to constantly distract himself until it was time to get ready to go out that night.

Yuto had texted him about an hour ago to get ready and he had been. He stood in front of his mirror, adjusting the small parts of his outfit. He pulled at the thumb hole sleeves of the mesh turtleneck shirt and pulled the waistband of the tennis skirt higher up on his waist. Wearing it reminded him of all the times Changgu called him pretty, bringing a frown to his face. But he wouldn’t let it get him down, he looked damn good, and nothing could stop him from reclaiming this outfit from the bastard hands of his ex. He tucked the over shirt under the waistband before adjusting the choker around his neck. He didn’t usually go so all out, but tonight he wanted to, because it was his life and god damnit he wouldn’t let Changgu control it even when they weren’t together. 

When he heard the knock at his door, he grabbed his big coat and slipped it over his arms, zipping it up and buttoning it because as much as he liked the outfit, he knew it was too cold outside not to wear it. He had already put on his shoes, feeling a little bit tighter seeing as he was wearing two sets of ripped up stockings. He opened the door and smiled, seeing his two tall best friends standing and waiting for him. He quickly took his dorm keycard and slipped it into the pocket of his jacket alongside his wallet. The three of them left and eventually piled into Hyunggu’s car, Yuto saying that he would be the driver for them all tonight. Hyunggu smiled at the sentiment and soon the three of them were on their way, jamming to some of their most recent drafts. 

Getting into the club was easy, Hyunggu had left his coat in the car but taken his wallet with him. He told Yuto to hold onto his wallet, not let him get too off the rails cause he was liable to do so. Yuto was immediately understandable and thus started the night. Hyunggu and wooseok were soon taking their first drinks, and then their second, then the third. The night was getting hazy and wonderful, it was like Hyunggu could actually stop thinking about Changgu and instead focus on the thumping bass of the club, focus on how his body moved, focus on how good the night life made him feel. While he no longer frequented clubs, he always missed them when he wasn’t there, they just had the kind of vibe that he enjoyed.

A few hours went by, and by a few it was almost 1am when they arrived at 9pm, and Hyunggu was already on his sixth drink. He’d somehow limited himself to not such hard alcohol aside from a few shots and one dangerous cocktail, though he felt like that may have been a suggestion from Yuto through his clouded mind. The upbeat song rung around the room and the colourful lights blurred around him as he let go, dancing without a care. Wooseok had been with him in the beginning, but soon disappeared into the crowd, someone far smaller than him pulling him further to the back of the club. Hyunggu didn’t really care that much, he was having fun on his own, if his best friend was also having fun that’s what mattered to him. At the end of the song, or at least what he thought was the end, he stumbled around, giggling and trying to find yuto again. Eventually he found the Japanese man and threw his arms around him, slurring out a thank you for taking him out tonight.

Just as Hyunggu was about to turn to the bar and order his seventh drink of the night, Yuto stopped him. “I think you’ve had enough, Gu,” the younger whined, and wobbled on the spot. He was always told that he got sulky when he was drunk and didn’t get what he wanted. But then again he was told that when he _wasn’t_ drunk as well. 

“Pleaseee~” he begged, snuggling closer to yuto. He was nice and warm, almost like Hyunggu could fall asleep there. 

“Maybe it’s actually time we get going, how about that?”

“Nooooo! Don’t wanna go—“ Hyunggu hiccuped a little and blinked a couple times, feeling a bit dizzy. “Having so much fuuun…!” He pouted and tried to push himself away from Yuto, only to almost tip backwards.

“No I think it’s time we get going, c’mon let’s go find woo,” Yuto had Hyunggu’s arm around his shoulders, helping him along in his dizzyingly drunk state. 

Hyunggu giggled a little and smiled. “Wooseokie!” He was easy to convince when he got like this, allowing Yuto to pull him towards the back of the club. His vision was blurred and he felt a little queasy but it wasn’t at the forefront right now. Hyunggu soon leaned up against a wall and his eyes wandered the club before coming back to land on his friends and Wooseok’s mystery make-out partner. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but he could definitely see the smaller man putting a small slip of paper into Wooseok’s pocket before getting off his lap. His face was obscured but somehow he looked familiar; maybe he was a regular here just like Hyunggu once was. As the taller made his way towards Hyunggu, the older outstretched his arms, making grabby motions with his hands until he was wrapped up in Wooseok’s arms. He hummed softly and snuggled closer, smile still on his lips. “So… soft ‘n warm…”

“Let’s go home, yeah?”

“Okay,” he dragged out, letting the pair of them lead him out of the club. Wooseok looked considerably less drunk, but there was two factors to that. One, wooseok hadn’t had as much as Hyunggu, and two, he could hold his alcohol way better. His queasiness returned when they got out into the cold early morning air and Hyunggu frowned. The trio made their way to the car until Hyunggu ripped his way away from them towards a trash can, immediately feeling his throat burn as six-ish drinks came back to bite him at the end of the night. He didn’t register the hand rubbing circles on his back until it finally felt like there was no more coming up. That was one of the parts he hated about getting drunk like this. He spat one last time into the bin, feeling gross and trying to lift his arm to wipe around his face.

“Hey! Hey, don’t wanna do that, you’ll ruin your shirt…” Yuto’s words were soft and comforting as he began to lead the younger towards the car. Hyunggu let out a soft yeah and and let himself lean against the cold metal as Yuto dug around in the car for some baby wipes. He knew Hyunggu always had them in his car. In the meantime, Wooseok helped him into his coat, in which Hyunggu immediately snuggled closer to. He may have felt like shit but at least he was nice and snuggly warm now. It was a blur when Yuto gently handed him a baby wipe and he cleaned himself up a little. He was so sleepy now too.

The drive back to the dorms was chill, Hyunggu held onto Wooseok’s hand in the back seat as his head softly rocked back and forth to the beat of whatever song was playing on the radio. Yuto locked the car and walked beside his friends as they moved to the entrance to the building. Seeing as Hyunggu was so dazed, tired and his vision was blurred, he hadn’t even noticed the fact that a certain asshole had been watching the three enter the building from the fourth floor, or how Wooseok had scowled and flipped him off. 

When they arrived at Hyunggu’s door, he fumbled around to get his keycard out and unlocked the door. He gave both of them a hug, somehow slurring out how grateful he was to have them before the three parted ways. He closed his door and somehow found his desk to put the card down. He let his coat slip from his arms and roughly managed to slip off his still tied shoes. All he cared about right now was getting into bed. Which is exactly what he did the moment his shoes were off.


	2. Fuck a fucking fuckboy fucking up my plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 song;  
> Cry - Ashnikko + Grimes

To say he felt worse when he woke up was an understatement. His eyes opened so slowly, not at all adjusting to the sunlight streaming into his room. His body ached and _god_ did his throat sting, not to mention how utterly disgusting his mouth tasted. That was probably the only thing that managed to force him to sit up. His head was pounding from his hangover but he knew if he wanted to take some painkillers he’d first need to brush his teeth. He felt disgusting.

It was only after he stood up that he realised he was still wearing his clothes from the night, and still had one of his shoes on. He could’ve sworn he’d taken them both off, but apparently not. He managed to bend down and untied it, taking it off. His head throbbed again and after the shoe was off he turned to his blinds to close them, limiting the light in his room enough that his head stopped hurting so much. He took his time getting changed, wincing everytime he had to swallow and hurt his burning throat. Now in comfy clothes, he took his toiletries bag with him to the bathrooms, prepared to rid the putrid taste from his mouth.

He was still hazy as he brushed his teeth. He was aching all over and his head was pounding in agony but at least now his mouth didn’t taste of bile. Eventually he made his way back to his room and found his painkillers. It took about ten minutes before the throbbing in his head began to lessen and twenty until it was all but gone. He didn’t end up doing much that day, mostly staying in and studying a little, doing some stretches, drawing, pretty simple things really. It was a lazy day, but he needed that. When he was laying on his bed, going through his phone, he had ended up in his contacts, staring down Changgu’s number saved in his phone.

He wanted so desperately to delete his number but he _just couldn’t do it._

He huffed out and let his arm fall to his chest. One step at a time, eventually he’ll build up the courage to delete it, but for now removing his picture and changing his contact name would suffice. He felt so drained, and he hadn’t even done anything substantial that day. Only about an hour later he was cafeteria bound, moving to go get some lunch and hopefully beat the swarm of other dorm dwellers to save his head from the noise. Luckily he had. Lunch was pretty standard, maybe a little bit boring, but it would do. He managed to eat in peace, listening to one of Wooseok’s latest tracks he’d let Hyunggu critique. It was beyond good, he had some serious talent and he was glad Wooseok trusted him enough to share. As he was taking a bite of his food however, the doors to the cafeteria opened. It obviously caught his attention, so he shifted his eyes to see who it was and if he knew them. And _oh god did he._

Changgu. He strutted in like he owned the place, sandwiched in between two of his closest friends, laughing, having fun, with a girl beside him who looked equally as naive as Hyunggu had initially been. He wanted to gather up the courage, to shout out to her to leave him before he hurt her, but he just couldn’t do it. It hurt too much to see him be so immediately comfortable without Hyunggu. He tore his gaze away and tried to finish his food quickly. He finished the last bite and swallowed as he moved to take his tray and bowl over to the kitchen chute. He wasn’t fast enough though. There was a split second where he turned and made eye contact with Changgu. The look in his eyes screamed ‘I’m doing better already’ and Hyunggu felt his heart ache. His eyes briefly jumped between the other three. Changgu’s friends, who he had known to be Hongseok and Shinwon, both gave him a look of distance, yet they still looked like they were sorry. Even that made him angry, what did they have to be sorry for? Oh right, being bystanders to Changgu’s awful personality.

And then the girl. She just looked confused, wondered who he was, why he was looking at the four of them with such hatred; maybe she was even a little scared. She obviously hadn’t heard, but she looked like a new student, no wonder she had no idea of what horrors she was going to face. Hyunggu opened his mouth to say something but instead the bastard himself interrupted.

“If there’s something you want to say Hyunggu, spit it out, surely it’s not that hard,” he had a smug grin on his face, a humiliating tone in his voice, sickening, sickening, sickening. Hyunggu couldn’t help but feel worse, he was already hungover he didn’t need to feel this angry as well. He crossed his arms and scowled.

“Fuck you,” was all he could muster before walking away. He listened into what was said after, feeling desperate to get away but being too curious not to listen.

“Who was that?”

“Just someone with a few unresolved problems with me, I’m sure one day we’ll sort it out, or we’ll graduate first, who really-“ he couldn’t keep listening. He pushed his way through the cafeteria doors, hanging his head low as he walked towards the common room.

“Unresolved problems my ass, you caused them…!” He felt his head swirl with pain again and groaned. “What a cock,” he was sure he had whispered that only to himself, but judging by the look that another student gave him as he walked past, he obviously wasn’t quiet enough. 

The common room came into sight, a few people lounging around, watching tv and such. He didn’t usually like hanging out here, it wasn’t that he didn’t like talking with others, it was just always such a soft atmosphere and he didn’t want to accidentally break that. He took a seat on one of the beanbags near the back and put in his headphones again, trying to drown out his thoughts for at least a little while. He began to tackle his school schedule app, he hadn’t updated it for about a month but class times had changed since then, maybe it would be good to stop getting class notifications when he was already in them or didn’t have them. 

He spent almost two hours on it, making sure things were colour coded and correct, it was a pleasing task that certainly took his mind off all of his stressors. Plus it got rid of one of them completely! Maybe it only took that long because he was having a few small conversations in between, but at least it wasn’t a waste of good time. Thankfully, the rest of the day saw no Changgu, not even when dinner came around. He sat with Wooseok and Yuto again, this time feeling a lot less shaky; he was still angry of course but he was starting to find it easier to bottle rather than let it out. 

And it wouldn’t be until almost two weeks later when he had his next major outburst.

* * *

About a week back, Hyunggu had been given an assignment task, something about analysing a choreography and then creating his own using it as inspiration. It wouldn’t necessarily be that difficult, he could handle it. He began to spend more time in the dance studios, watching and rewatching the original and then forming his own movements. It was generally going pretty well he’d say. After constant nagging from his friends however, he’d decided to take a break. He hadn’t realised just how many days of the week he’d signed in to use one of the studios until it was the day he promised would be the last. At least for two days. He was thankful for Yuto and Wooseok, they always knew when he was overworking himself, when to tell him to calm down.

The first day off he’d spent in the library, he rarely had time to just sit and read something so he was happy to have the opportunity now. The second day he went off campus, spent a day in the city. He was a uni student, so it’s not like he really had the money to spend on a lot of things but he still managed to get himself some small luxuries. But the third day, oh the third day.

That morning he’d had breakfast with Yuto at a cafe nearby. Wooseok had an extra class that morning so he couldn’t make it, but Hyunggu didn’t mind. Later that day, he was on his laptop out in the courtyard. It wasn’t that cold out that day so he felt like it would be a nice change of scenery. And it was, for the most part. It was a calm atmosphere and the breeze that blew by every now and then helped keep him awake rather than fall asleep out here. After he checked the time, he decided it was time to go, packing away his laptop in its bag. As he turned to head back inside, take a guess who he saw exiting the building? That’s right.

Yeo _fucking_ Changgu.

Hyunggu couldn’t seem to catch a break from that asshat could he?

He was prepared to force his feelings away and just pass him by with a harsh shoulder shove until he noticed something that left him speechless. The hoodie he was wearing looked familiar, and it was only after the pair connected eyes that he realised why that was. _What a shameless bastard._

He was wearing one of the hoodies that Hyunggu defaced.

_One that he drew dicks all over_.

He gripped hard at the strap of his laptop bag. What he did was supposed to make Changgu feel like shit, how the hell could he feel comfortable just wearing that around campus? He couldn’t even form a coherent thought bar his never ending questions as to how he could do that. His ex kept walking forward, not letting go of his eye contact or sickeningly charming smile. Soon the pair were face to face and Hyunggu was trying absolute hardest not to lash out right then and there.

“What the literal fuck Changgu,”

He quirked his head a little, hands in the pocket on the front of the hoodie. “What? You said ‘hope you like it’, and I do,”

Hyunggu felt his stomach drop, he really didn’t care at all did he? “That wasn’t-“ he didn’t even know how to respond, he wasn’t supposed to like it, he was supposed to be upset at it, he was supposed to feel ashamed, _why the fuck was he wearing the damn hoodie like there wasn’t fifty dicks scribbled all over it?_

Hyunggu had to be the first to look away, the one thing he had done to make him feel bad had little to no effect. He didn’t know how to handle it. He repositioned his grip on his laptop bag strap and felt his breathing become far more noticeable. “Y’know Hyunggu, for someone who said they want nothing to do with me, you do still seem to be talking to me a lot~”

“God, fuck you!” His reply was exasperated, close to that of an angered yell.

Changgu just seemed to roll his eyes. “Can you think of anything more creative? You’ve said that about four times now, probably more considering what was written on my clothes,”

His hands balled into tight fists around the laptop bag strap. His patience was wearing thin and he was only building until he would snap. “You insufferable fucking asshole, why don’t you just suck my cock and leave me alone?”

“Sweetheart I already have, and you seemed to enjoy it~”

It was a split second reaction, and Hyunggu’s hand still stung afterwards. A harsh slap echoed through the courtyard, and he was sure there was a heavy aura around him. He was beyond angry, but most of all he felt embarrassed. Changgu was overly confident and never cared what he said. Maybe that was the theatre student in him, he exuded confidence in all the wrong places. Changgu’s face scrunched up for merely a second at the sting before he laughed a little and gently rubbed at the spot on his cheek where he had been slapped. “Finally you actually _did_ something _,”_

“Shut the fuck up! Stop taunting me everywhere I go, leave me the fuck alone, I know what you’re trying to do so save your energy!”

“I’m not trying to do anything, I’m minding my own business; you’re the one who’s not leaving me alone,” Was he really? Hyunggu couldn’t really tell right from wrong now, all he could think about was the fervent anger he felt towards Changgu. He gritted his teeth and scowled.

“Fine, hope your next has at least a little bit more sense and hurts you instead of you hurting them,” he started walking away when Changgu responded again. But this time he kept walking, no matter how antagonising the statement sounded.

“Hope you’re still getting good use out of the daisy hoodie,” the statement made him speed up, making him come close to running rather than just walking quickly. In truth he hadn’t even picked it up again since that first day where he tossed it into the corner of his room. He returned there and put down his laptop bag quickly before picking up his pillow and letting out a guttural scream into it. He hated just how unbothered Changgu was with all of this, he wanted him to feel _something_ about it, show some kind of emotion to say that he was hurt or that he was just as heartbroken. 

_Wait._

As he pulled the pillow away from his face, he was lost in his thoughts. Why was he still so invested in what Changgu was feeling, if he really wanted to get over him he shouldn’t be thinking of him at all. Hyunggu was trying to push him out of his life, but he was still leaving so many strings untouched. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Changgu was still incredibly present in his life, and not just because they went to the same university. He still had his number, he still had a hoodie, he continued to interact with Changgu whenever he spotted him. 

“Fuck!” He had to push away his thoughts or maybe he’d figure something out that he didn’t need to know right now. It had only been two weeks since they broke up, of course there would still be some residual emotions, he just had to give it time. He tossed his pillow onto his bed and flopped down on top of it. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm his thoughts. He was cooped up in his room for the next however many hours, barely appeared for dinner and even ignored a couple of texts from Wooseok until twenty minutes later. 

He lay awake that night, so frustrated at the events of the day, so confused at what he was feeling. It had only been two weeks, he was bound to have mixed feelings, but he didn’t realise it would get this bad. He turned on his side and fiddled with the duvet on top of him. It wasn’t hard to stay awake when your mind was running a marathon. He looked towards his desk chair where the purple hoodie now resided. After dinner he’d looked for it. He almost threw it out after finding it, but once again he just didn’t have the strength to part ways with it. It had so many good memories attached to it, and not just ones with Changgu. As he looked at it, his head filled with those good memories.

Going to the theme park with Wooseok, Yuto and Yanan when the Chinese man was visiting for a few days, wearing it before his first big recital, letting it comfort him, wearing it whenever he was too stressed and needed something that- he stopped himself, his mind was wandering to the good memories of Changgu. That would just make him more confused. He rolled over again and tried to force sleep. Half an hour he tried, until he huffed and stared up at the ceiling once again. He felt emotionally exhausted, but he just couldn’t sleep. He glanced over at the hoodie again, what harm would it really do to think about the other memories?

He blinked a couple times, listening to the heater blaring into the room. He remembered when he first got given the hoodie, Changgu had said it was his favourite, but that he’d wanted Hyunggu to have it anyway. He had almost not taken it, at least not until the older had insisted. He used to wear it everywhere with him. Casual dates almost always consisted of him wearing it, there were hardly any times when he didn’t. 

He snuggled closer into his pillow and looked away from it, feeling his lips tingle a little as he reminded himself of just how many times the hoodie had been worn before things got hot and heavy. He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering further, deeper, reminding him of just how Changgu’s lips felt on his own, how they felt on his skin, how Changgu knew all his most sensitive spots, how he used to make the younger feel euphoria with every brief touch. He crossed one leg over the other and curled in closer to himself.

_Stop thinking about that, stop it_.

He tried to force himself to shut down his mind once again, but now that he had started, it was near impossible to stop. His eyes fluttered closed and he ran a hand through his hair. His words from earlier that day came back. He couldn’t lie and say Changgu hadn’t been right, but he didn’t want to admit it, there was no way he would. That simple statement made him buck his hips forward a little and let out the tiniest of whimpers. It was mere moments before he knew that he’d thought too much. No matter how much time he spent getting over Changgu, he was sure now more than ever, that Changgu would always be able to do one thing.

He could still make Hyunggu needy.


End file.
